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Funky's Words on Fat Albert

Y'all know the cartoon for young brothers. Herbie Hancock wrote the theme song. Hey, hey, hey! It's Phat Albert. Bill Cosby created Fat Albert and the Junkyard gang to help young brothers. Dey was supposed to learn from da toon. Funky used to watch Fat Albert when he was a young blood. But now dat he's older, he realizes some things about the toon. Who was the character dat was always causing problems, da one young brothers weren't supposed to be like? Dat's right, Rudy. Now, Funky was contemplating the Rudy character, and he realized something about Rudy. He ain't a true brother. Here's da smack dat proves it.

Who's the baddest brother in da whole gang? Naw, it ain't Mush Mouth. It's Fat himself. He big, and fat. But Rudy, he be tall and lanky, just the opposite of Fat. All da Junkyard gang wear some messed rags. Not Rudy, though. He's sportin' fine threads. The rest of the gang play radiators and cans in da band, but Rudy got himself an electric six string. Finally, Fat's got a real brother's voice, all low and smooth, like Barry White, y'all. Rudy got a real whiney, annoying voice. He may walk like a brother, but he don't talk like a brother.

After Funky considered all dese things, he realized that Rudy is (what Funky likes to call 'em) a nitey. Now, y'all know what a whigger is, right? Dat's whitey who wants to be a brother. Well, a nite is just da opposite. A brother who wants to be whitey. And dat's what Rudy is. And dat's why young bloods aren't supposed to be like him. The little 'lettes are supposed to follow Phat's example, not Rudy.

Think about it, y'all. You'll realize dat Funky's true to dis one.

Roll on back.